Happy 2014!

WELCOME TO 2014!! 

this is the beginning of a new year. a new chance. time to pick back up that old instrument. time to regain control of your life. this...this is the time to get it all done. why now? because it's the best time. if you dont do it now then when would you do it. 

my goals are focused on moving things forward. my life. deciding to make better decisions as to what will benefit my future. sure, it sounds selfish. I'm sorry for that but I've come to realize, through quite a bit of help, that I can't help or do anything for anyone else if I don't do anything to help myself. 

as I write this to encourage you, I am sorry I can't divulge all the details as of yet but I'm ready for change & I'm ready to take the leap. I hope that this year brings you lots of joy. hope. peace. adventure. love. && most of all, greater chances to dive head first for your dreams. 

dream big!! 

I'm thankful....

I'm thankful for my family

I'm thankful for my Jesus & the blood that he shed so I could be His

I'm thankful that I have friends that care

I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this world no matter how much I may feel like I am

I'm thankful that my tears don't fall in vain

I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father that makes up for every last bit of pain & disappointment 

I'm thankful that the only title I ever have to live up to is "Daughter"

I'm thankful for the mentors God has given me; whether or not they know that they are 

I'm thankful for a family that let's me live in their house until I'm financially stable 

I'm thankful that I do not have to spend this day alone 

I'm thankful that there is always room for improvement 

I'm thankful for a decent job

I'm thankful for life

I'm thankful for my fuzzy blanket & my jean jacket

I'm thankful for my car 

I'm thankful for my phone & my music

I'm thankful that my boldness no longer is buried deep within 

-- my heart is overwhelmed with things that I am thankful for, as you can see. tonight I needed to vent. I remembered this page existed at one point. my heart...happy. my life...blessed. my eyes...full of tears. 

-- they must be tears of joy you say? sure...we can say that. but that's not all. joy. pain. happiness. disappointment. hurt. confusion. do I enjoy that? no! of course not. but I can't help the way I feel. I don't even know why. I'm a human. a young woman with a heart that beats & a mind that races. a voice that carries loudly & a laugh that follows suit. I'm strong yet broken. I'm whole but full of holes. 

-- my life is a battle. && right now it's raging. this day is spent with friends & families. both of which I have. this night is spent with movies & stories. both of which I have. right now is full of unloading. unloading the weight that I feel. the weight of hurt. of confusion. of annoyance. of tears that need to come out but my own stupid pride holds them in. 

-- yes, in the midst of my ranting & raving my thankfulness does not change because I am real & my heart is an open vault that sometimes can not contain it's bounty any longer. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

what comes to mind.

a few words that have crossed my mind lately. 

do any of them apply to you? 

please feel free to share your thoughts. 

~ Kali

Remember When....?!?!

im not to sure about you but i know that i have a hard time forgetting things. you might ask why that is such a bad thing. & i would not necessarily deem it a "bad" thing. ive just been thinking a lot lately about what i DO remember. its a lot! some of the things i remember i would rather not. its the memories that dont sit well with me. i know everyone has those. the memories that we wished never crept into our mind to begin with.

last night i was texting with a friend of mine and i was totally lost in the fact that those memories still exist. i thought i would forget by now....or at least i would have hoped so. i asked him if "there was ever going to be a time where i would forget." he responded with a reminder that i too often forget. "theyre there to remind us"

i was confused at this point a little bit. this was the whole point of my frustration/annoyance. i didnt want to be reminded....hellloooo!!!!! he explained a little -- "i mean what He brought you through" ok. now it makes more sense right. who was i to be so selfish. here i am being so caught up in my annoyance/frustration that i overlooked the very point. all those memories, whether they are looked upon as positive or negative, are still there for a purpose. a specific reason. a lesson perhaps to override our current state of living.

personally (afterall this blog is all about how i see things, right?), i would just like to keep all of the positive memories. the ones filled with laughter & joy & happiness & laughs. but then again, would that stretch me? would those memories help me see the grace on my life? would those memories lead me back to Jesus every time? i dont really know.

Sincerely,
      learning to embrace the memories & remembering when......

can anyone say snow?

its February here in New Hampshire & its freezing! literally. today was day #1 of our predicted 2 day "blizzard" they call it "Nemo." I reckon they wanted us to find it. lol They say we are expecting 15-24 inches. Its kind of crazy but awesome at the same time.

i know it has been quite some time since i have updated this thing. i havent forgotten. & i can certainly not use busy-ness as an excuse but some things i just dont think are blog worthy. a lot of things have happened since my last post. a lot of which would be too difficult to get into via blog. so, i will just say this; im still alive. i still live in Portsmouth, NH. I still work at NEMC. i work at Hannaford part time. i love the people i do life with. God never ceases to amaze me in what He decides to teach me. im in a season of stretching but its so good. i have people in my life that understand me & dont try to change me.

since my last post i have gotten some new ink as well as a few more holes. nothing too bad. ;) well. i hope to be able to update more. im just not sure that i'll be able to put into words everything that i would like to. afterall, its way harder than it used to be. these days i have a hard time getting them out especially onto paper or typing them. we shall see.