I'm thankful....

I'm thankful for my family

I'm thankful for my Jesus & the blood that he shed so I could be His

I'm thankful that I have friends that care

I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this world no matter how much I may feel like I am

I'm thankful that my tears don't fall in vain

I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father that makes up for every last bit of pain & disappointment 

I'm thankful that the only title I ever have to live up to is "Daughter"

I'm thankful for the mentors God has given me; whether or not they know that they are 

I'm thankful for a family that let's me live in their house until I'm financially stable 

I'm thankful that I do not have to spend this day alone 

I'm thankful that there is always room for improvement 

I'm thankful for a decent job

I'm thankful for life

I'm thankful for my fuzzy blanket & my jean jacket

I'm thankful for my car 

I'm thankful for my phone & my music

I'm thankful that my boldness no longer is buried deep within 

-- my heart is overwhelmed with things that I am thankful for, as you can see. tonight I needed to vent. I remembered this page existed at one point. my heart...happy. my life...blessed. my eyes...full of tears. 

-- they must be tears of joy you say? sure...we can say that. but that's not all. joy. pain. happiness. disappointment. hurt. confusion. do I enjoy that? no! of course not. but I can't help the way I feel. I don't even know why. I'm a human. a young woman with a heart that beats & a mind that races. a voice that carries loudly & a laugh that follows suit. I'm strong yet broken. I'm whole but full of holes. 

-- my life is a battle. && right now it's raging. this day is spent with friends & families. both of which I have. this night is spent with movies & stories. both of which I have. right now is full of unloading. unloading the weight that I feel. the weight of hurt. of confusion. of annoyance. of tears that need to come out but my own stupid pride holds them in. 

-- yes, in the midst of my ranting & raving my thankfulness does not change because I am real & my heart is an open vault that sometimes can not contain it's bounty any longer. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

what comes to mind.

a few words that have crossed my mind lately. 

do any of them apply to you? 

please feel free to share your thoughts. 

~ Kali

Remember When....?!?!

im not to sure about you but i know that i have a hard time forgetting things. you might ask why that is such a bad thing. & i would not necessarily deem it a "bad" thing. ive just been thinking a lot lately about what i DO remember. its a lot! some of the things i remember i would rather not. its the memories that dont sit well with me. i know everyone has those. the memories that we wished never crept into our mind to begin with.

last night i was texting with a friend of mine and i was totally lost in the fact that those memories still exist. i thought i would forget by now....or at least i would have hoped so. i asked him if "there was ever going to be a time where i would forget." he responded with a reminder that i too often forget. "theyre there to remind us"

i was confused at this point a little bit. this was the whole point of my frustration/annoyance. i didnt want to be reminded....hellloooo!!!!! he explained a little -- "i mean what He brought you through" ok. now it makes more sense right. who was i to be so selfish. here i am being so caught up in my annoyance/frustration that i overlooked the very point. all those memories, whether they are looked upon as positive or negative, are still there for a purpose. a specific reason. a lesson perhaps to override our current state of living.

personally (afterall this blog is all about how i see things, right?), i would just like to keep all of the positive memories. the ones filled with laughter & joy & happiness & laughs. but then again, would that stretch me? would those memories help me see the grace on my life? would those memories lead me back to Jesus every time? i dont really know.

Sincerely,
      learning to embrace the memories & remembering when......

can anyone say snow?

its February here in New Hampshire & its freezing! literally. today was day #1 of our predicted 2 day "blizzard" they call it "Nemo." I reckon they wanted us to find it. lol They say we are expecting 15-24 inches. Its kind of crazy but awesome at the same time.

i know it has been quite some time since i have updated this thing. i havent forgotten. & i can certainly not use busy-ness as an excuse but some things i just dont think are blog worthy. a lot of things have happened since my last post. a lot of which would be too difficult to get into via blog. so, i will just say this; im still alive. i still live in Portsmouth, NH. I still work at NEMC. i work at Hannaford part time. i love the people i do life with. God never ceases to amaze me in what He decides to teach me. im in a season of stretching but its so good. i have people in my life that understand me & dont try to change me.

since my last post i have gotten some new ink as well as a few more holes. nothing too bad. ;) well. i hope to be able to update more. im just not sure that i'll be able to put into words everything that i would like to. afterall, its way harder than it used to be. these days i have a hard time getting them out especially onto paper or typing them. we shall see.