Sometimes.

sometimes silence is better.

sometimes the words that can't be heard are felt.

sometimes what you see isn't what you get. 

sometimes feelings are hard to understand but somehow everyone knows. 

sometimes that thought of change is scary. 

sometimes the thought of "what if" is scary.

sometimes the thought of the future is scary. 

sometimes a heart's beat is the best song. 

-- i know that sometimes isn't always and maybe is mostly no but there are just a few things that i DO know for certain...

He is always faithful.

He never leaves me alone.

He watches over me ever so closely.

He leads my footsteps and knows every wrong move before it happens.

He hears my faintest whispers.

He feels what I feel in the deepest of ways.

He understands the confusion that I can't even begin to describe.

-- no matter what comes and goes in this life, i know that He will always be. 

BOO! (gotcha!)

im baaaaack!

Well hello world! Yes,  I know I've been away for quite some time but I have decided that it's time to return. 

I will be posting about some things on this blog that I've been pondering && I will be open to suggestions. Please feel free to post comments or shoot me a message or text me to let me know what you would like to read my edge on. 

Keep your eyes peeled along with your hearts and minds open. It's time to get real & my eyes have never been as receptive or observant as they are now. 

Let's go!!!! ✌️😜

~Kali  

#imready #nowornever #neweyes

Happy 2014!

WELCOME TO 2014!! 

this is the beginning of a new year. a new chance. time to pick back up that old instrument. time to regain control of your life. this...this is the time to get it all done. why now? because it's the best time. if you dont do it now then when would you do it. 

my goals are focused on moving things forward. my life. deciding to make better decisions as to what will benefit my future. sure, it sounds selfish. I'm sorry for that but I've come to realize, through quite a bit of help, that I can't help or do anything for anyone else if I don't do anything to help myself. 

as I write this to encourage you, I am sorry I can't divulge all the details as of yet but I'm ready for change & I'm ready to take the leap. I hope that this year brings you lots of joy. hope. peace. adventure. love. && most of all, greater chances to dive head first for your dreams. 

dream big!! 

I'm thankful....

I'm thankful for my family

I'm thankful for my Jesus & the blood that he shed so I could be His

I'm thankful that I have friends that care

I'm thankful that I'm not alone in this world no matter how much I may feel like I am

I'm thankful that my tears don't fall in vain

I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father that makes up for every last bit of pain & disappointment 

I'm thankful that the only title I ever have to live up to is "Daughter"

I'm thankful for the mentors God has given me; whether or not they know that they are 

I'm thankful for a family that let's me live in their house until I'm financially stable 

I'm thankful that I do not have to spend this day alone 

I'm thankful that there is always room for improvement 

I'm thankful for a decent job

I'm thankful for life

I'm thankful for my fuzzy blanket & my jean jacket

I'm thankful for my car 

I'm thankful for my phone & my music

I'm thankful that my boldness no longer is buried deep within 

-- my heart is overwhelmed with things that I am thankful for, as you can see. tonight I needed to vent. I remembered this page existed at one point. my heart...happy. my life...blessed. my eyes...full of tears. 

-- they must be tears of joy you say? sure...we can say that. but that's not all. joy. pain. happiness. disappointment. hurt. confusion. do I enjoy that? no! of course not. but I can't help the way I feel. I don't even know why. I'm a human. a young woman with a heart that beats & a mind that races. a voice that carries loudly & a laugh that follows suit. I'm strong yet broken. I'm whole but full of holes. 

-- my life is a battle. && right now it's raging. this day is spent with friends & families. both of which I have. this night is spent with movies & stories. both of which I have. right now is full of unloading. unloading the weight that I feel. the weight of hurt. of confusion. of annoyance. of tears that need to come out but my own stupid pride holds them in. 

-- yes, in the midst of my ranting & raving my thankfulness does not change because I am real & my heart is an open vault that sometimes can not contain it's bounty any longer. 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

what comes to mind.

a few words that have crossed my mind lately. 

do any of them apply to you? 

please feel free to share your thoughts. 

~ Kali

Remember When....?!?!

im not to sure about you but i know that i have a hard time forgetting things. you might ask why that is such a bad thing. & i would not necessarily deem it a "bad" thing. ive just been thinking a lot lately about what i DO remember. its a lot! some of the things i remember i would rather not. its the memories that dont sit well with me. i know everyone has those. the memories that we wished never crept into our mind to begin with.

last night i was texting with a friend of mine and i was totally lost in the fact that those memories still exist. i thought i would forget by now....or at least i would have hoped so. i asked him if "there was ever going to be a time where i would forget." he responded with a reminder that i too often forget. "theyre there to remind us"

i was confused at this point a little bit. this was the whole point of my frustration/annoyance. i didnt want to be reminded....hellloooo!!!!! he explained a little -- "i mean what He brought you through" ok. now it makes more sense right. who was i to be so selfish. here i am being so caught up in my annoyance/frustration that i overlooked the very point. all those memories, whether they are looked upon as positive or negative, are still there for a purpose. a specific reason. a lesson perhaps to override our current state of living.

personally (afterall this blog is all about how i see things, right?), i would just like to keep all of the positive memories. the ones filled with laughter & joy & happiness & laughs. but then again, would that stretch me? would those memories help me see the grace on my life? would those memories lead me back to Jesus every time? i dont really know.

Sincerely,
      learning to embrace the memories & remembering when......

can anyone say snow?

its February here in New Hampshire & its freezing! literally. today was day #1 of our predicted 2 day "blizzard" they call it "Nemo." I reckon they wanted us to find it. lol They say we are expecting 15-24 inches. Its kind of crazy but awesome at the same time.

i know it has been quite some time since i have updated this thing. i havent forgotten. & i can certainly not use busy-ness as an excuse but some things i just dont think are blog worthy. a lot of things have happened since my last post. a lot of which would be too difficult to get into via blog. so, i will just say this; im still alive. i still live in Portsmouth, NH. I still work at NEMC. i work at Hannaford part time. i love the people i do life with. God never ceases to amaze me in what He decides to teach me. im in a season of stretching but its so good. i have people in my life that understand me & dont try to change me.

since my last post i have gotten some new ink as well as a few more holes. nothing too bad. ;) well. i hope to be able to update more. im just not sure that i'll be able to put into words everything that i would like to. afterall, its way harder than it used to be. these days i have a hard time getting them out especially onto paper or typing them. we shall see.

Summer?!

is that what this was called?! -- summer?!?! lol! its been hot as anything this year & thats no surprise at all. (it seems like it always just gets hotter & hotter) but im not really talking about the weather. im talking about the amount of time. the 'vacation.' 


im not complaining & i hope it doesnt sound like i am. ive enjoyed almost every minute of this break....almost. sure, there have been some bumps in the road but for the most part its been relaxing. its been fun. its been a learning experience. && if anything its been refreshing. you see, i havent spent time in PA like this since the spring of 2009. Thats right...its been 3 years!! i usually come to visit twice a year (Christmas & 1 week in the summer). nothing major but just enough time to catch up, visit, eat, & leave. 


this time has been so different. ive been able to catch up, visit, sleep over, eat, rest, walk, explore, & relax! yep, thats right...those 2 'R' words in there. yeah...im getting the hang of 'em. it hasnt been easy but its coming. throughout the past month & a half i think i have learned more about rest & relationships than i have in the past 6 months. it has definitely been a good time had by all. :) 


i gotta admit though, i will miss everyone. part of me wants to kick myself for coming back & staying so long as to get reattached to people. but in the long run i know it will be a good thing or should i say a "God thing." its funny the things that the Lord uses to teach me. He shows me love & brings to my attention the simplest of things just to express His greatness. its beautiful & this summer has been one big story. i mean from the first week i was here & walked about 9 miles without knowing it to seeing hundreds of teens lives changed at youth camp & 1 very special student go from being an atheist to a born again, Spirit filled, called preacher! (WOOO!) to soaking up every last minute with family & close friends that i wish could just relocate to where i now call home. 

in the end, i understand life was built to keep moving. to move on. to learn. to live. to love. & best of all...to be shared! as this final week comes to an end i am getting more and more excited to return home. to where my heart is content. but im also becoming aware of my goodbyes & the strings that are hanging on for dear life. 


until we meet again. 
 ~Kali

it was nice...

it was nice...

    - to see friends that i haven't seen in months

    - to see family that i have only gotten to talk to on the phone

    - to walk around where i grew up (with no agenda)

    - to be adventurous...on my own

as im typing this im thinking about everything that i have to do today & this weekend. packing. unpacking. repacking. organizing. list making. goodbyes. i love yous. see you soons. 

it will be nice...

    - to see friends that i have spent the past 10 months with but havent seen in the last 2 weeks. 

    - to  do something productive 

    - to be busy 

    - to see people that i havent seen since last summer

    - to see God wreck the lives of hundreds of teenagers

    - to connect 

i cant wait for my adventures to come. -- Florida. Youth Camp. Boston. Toronto. Atlanta. Boston. 

LETS KICK THIS PIG!!!! :) 

--> any questions please ask.: comment. email. call. text. facebook. 

~Kali

Confirmation

there's nothing quite like attending a service where you're expecting great things to happen. tonight...was one of those nights. some friends of mine and i went to a service one town over from ours. the speaker was someone that we have heard before but we were just anticipating God to do awesome things. 

awesome is an understatement! personally, God confirmed some things in me that i have been praying about. things that i didnt think would ever come to pass. things that only dreamers dream about. && they were just that until tonight....dreams. the Lord has been speaking to me through almost everything that has come up in my life for the past month or so. whether it be a song or a sermon or just in my quiet time with Him. He's answering prayers that i totally did not have the faith for when i prayed them. crazy huh?! 

well. im off to bed. its been a great, relaxing day. i leave friday for Orlando, Fl. :) i have some songs for you to check out. --> For the Honor by Elevation Worship - With Everything by Hillsong United & Oh You Bring by Hillsong United. <-- 

~Kali~

Where has the time gone?!

thank you for asking! :)

to answer you....i dont even know!! -- in exactly one week from now i will be exactly 1 month away from graduating my 3rd year of Masters Commission. WOW!! i will have my bachelor's degree in general ministries. who woulda thunk it?! lol

when i think back to the very beginning of this journey, i would have never imagined that i would be in the position i am in and doing life with the people im doing life with. they are all amazing && i wouldnt trade it for anything. in the midst of all the craziness & busyness of life i have not forgotten where i have come from. i have not ignored the past nor have i let it distract me. the future is my goal and my dreams are the prize.

i cant say that living with 13 other girls is the easiest but it is an experience. a test of patience, endurance, attitude, & grace. these ladies are amazing & they each add an amazing aspect to my life that no one could ever bring. my room is in an attic room. its crazy because im not thrilled about heights but im getting better.

this summer will definitely be a summer of changes. a summer of responsibilities & a summer of beauty. && IM EXCITED!! (more to come later)

something that ive been stretched in recently is my dreams. what are they? sharing them. & embracing them. --> its crazy how such a simple thing can cause such a discomfort. maybe discomfort is a weird word but ive never really been asked to share my dreams with anyone except for once. then, this past week ive been challenged to share them or at least acknowledge them at least 3 times. so i went from once in 3 years to 3 times in 1 week. HELLO!?!?!? needless to say, its crazy! everything from sermons to tweets to statuses to friends asking questions or posing challenges. it kinda makes me nervous when im asked to verbalize/confront/disclose my dreams.

ive never been one to let people in one what was happening on a personal level. thats all different now. but when it comes to something as intimate as my dreams well...thats a little much. ive always been a dreamer. my imagination has always wandered but now, these dreams are God given and for some reason its still kinda difficult to publicize them.

some other things that have been coming up from all directions recently have been: the process & purpose. everywhere i turn these are popping up. "its all part of the process" or "everything involves a process" or "its on purpose" or "its still on purpose" or "you have purpose." ITS EVERYWHERE. but that only means one thing...God sure does know how to get my attention. :) ive been praying for answers and ive been praying for surety. how much more clearer does it have to get?

--> its time for bed. thanks for letting me share & ramble. :) if you have any questions please dont hesitate to comment and ask. oh && Ireland pics will be coming soon! <--

~Kali~

How's The Weather?!

good question...funny you should ask. :)

ITS SNOWING!! it's been snowing since last night. We had off today because we thought it would get bad. & it did. im not quite sure how much we've gotten but it still hasnt stopped. oh & since we had off that meant i could sleep in. which also means that i had the privilege of sleeping in. sleeping in for me usually means 8a. today, sleeping in meant 1p!! :D i decided to post some pix of the amazing white stuff!! my room actually has a view that reminds me of a picture that my grandparents used to have.

(^from the ground to here = 14 inches)

(the cars out front\/)

in search of the perfect flats

ok. some of you may or may not understand what im about to tell you...especially if you know me at all! lol!! for the past week ive been searching for the perfect pair of flats. not just any pair of flats but the perfect pair! ive been on almost every shoe website known to the US! LOL! anyways, my problem came when stores dont carry over a size 9. yes, i am a size 11! so tonight...i was on my last leg. i couldnt stand the wait anymore. i was about to cave in on a pair of flats that i didnt really like but just thought that i wouldnt find anything better. (i was on a budget too!)

so tonight. i discovered that i missed a website. deb.com!! :) Deb's became my favorite store last summer and i totally forgot about it. sohttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif tonight i found 3 pairs of flats...THE PERFECT ONES!! although...one pair...they were sold out of my size. so...now im down to 2 pairs! :D below are the links...if you dont mind...please check them out && let me know which ones you think would go best with everything that i own. if you dont know me that well...its okay because chances are, you know enough to make an educated guess! :D

#1

#2

Thank you!!,
Kali L. Mock. <3

this year...definitely seems like new.

welcome to the new year! yes, i know im late. this year has definitely already brought some different things. sure...with each new year brings new things. new experiences. new thoughts. && definitely new things to do.

today seems like any other day off. absolutely nothing to do. but in all reality, it is not normal. its different. its different than last friday because im no longer in Pennsylvania. its different than next friday because im not sure what next friday will bring. its not that i feel older but its the simple fact of knowing that things just arent going to be the same.

some would rather keep things the way they always were. me...well...i want things to be WAY different! im ready for new things. im ready for new adventures. im ready for new experiences. im just ready for things to be like nothing they ever were!

this may sound crazy and this may sound far fetched but this. is. me. im expecting greater things this year. im praying for new things. im praying for God dreams. im praying to be led by more than my mind & emotions. im ready to be whole-heartedly led by the Spirit of God. it is by this & only this that all of these new things will come. -- who's with me? --

~:~:~: out with the old & in with the new :~:~:~
--> Kali <--

New Doo. :)

--> one of the girls curled my hair 2 days ago. here are some pix. i REALLY like it. hoping to make it semi-permanent soon ;)

You Are God Alone

--> this is Rory Comtois. i have loved this song for such a long time but recently, it has become more of a strength for me. a reminder. reality. beauty. life. passion. & victory.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. mine was spent in VT. with snow on the ground!!! :) today, Black Friday, im spending the day inside with some friends & a whole lot of Christmas movies. today is the day for food coma #2! :] i hope everyone has a great week. 26 more days until Pennsylvania sees my pretty face. && i cant wait to see everyone! well...gotta go. Cool Runnings is on :}

Grandparent's Day Essay Contest

http://www.ConsumerCellular.com/Grandparents/Gallery/602

--> please click on the link above and vote for my essay. thanks :)

Wednesday Mornin'

*this post was composed last wednesday...morning ;)*

that would be today...mmmm....right.....
--> im just kidding ;) -- i really do have things to say. they may not make sense but afterall, whose blog is this anywayz? (LOL)

--> well, im already 2 weeks into the summer. the weather is beautiful & i love my job. im looking for a 2nd part time job so hopefully everything @ Ruby Tuesday's works out ;) im sure you would like to know what else ive been up to...i guess you could say a little bit of everything. last week was full of randomness & lots of ice cream! ;) hours at work are fluctuating. i havent really gone anywhere yet besides Mrs. Tammy's & wherever she goes :D

--> ok so as i am writing this i went to go prop my feet up & cross my legs. while doing so i forgot about my massive bruise! its been there for about 3 weeks now. i was carrying in some things for the thrift store & i knew our flat bed cart was there but i didnt clear it like i thought i had; sooo...my shin hit the corner square in the middle :( it shocked me at first but then turned really gnarly colors & now its yellowish with a red line where i hit it. its kinda shiny like most bruises do when theyre swollen. its kinda funny because you can see an indent where the swelling is not...LOL

--> sorry, minor ADD moment ;) ive been busy planning my sister's graduation party. my little sister!! her & i are only 3 years apart (shes kinda like MY 'little girl') && i love her so much. she is graduating high school 1 year early!!! GO LEXII!!! shes been helping me along the way && im so glad i can do this for her ;) here's a picture of my little girl, all grown up, in her senior pictures!

**added tonight***

--> i was actually at her graduation & her graduation party. when i originally wrote this post, i could not mention my plans because it was all a surprise for her! :D good news...i was able to surprise her & enjoy her special day with her!!

--> i will probably update again tomorrow with things coming up & how everything is looking these days...stay tuned!

~Kali~

Will Reagan & United Pursuit - Find My Own Flame

--> listen to this song. listen to the words crazy close. get lost in them. get lost in the message. let God show you the "real thing!" <--