As some of you may know, i have a twitter. it's a social networking blog site but the blog can only be a maximum of 180 characters(including spaces). anywayz, i use it to blurb about my day or how i feel ALL the time because i can never think of enough to make a full blog. so i posted a tweet on the 27th of December and i need to elaborate, if not for you than for myself. here's the post:
"jst got hm frm werk & had a weird night full of out-of-the-blue feelings...i have no idea what my heart is doin!?! " 10:47pm
ya, oh man i wish i could explain, better yet, i wish you could've been there. all last week just felt so weird. it totally didnt feel like Christmas. everyday i felt like i was missing something or someone. yes, i realize i wasn't with the family im usually with because since last Christmas a lot has happened and ive moved out. so this Christmas was spent mostly with the Schoenrock/Stumm family.
but thats not what it was, i didnt feel like i was out of place. i just felt like i was forgetting.my emotions were running krazi. almost everything that happened made me cry. we went and saw pop and i cried, i almost cried when i opened my cell phone, i cried leaving gram's house in Maryland...etc. it never fails...i dont cry when it makes since to cry, nnoooo why would i do that!?! i cry out of the blue, when something that doesnt matter happens.
take this for example: saturday i had to work 2-10. i went to work feeling ok, nothing bad had happened. i was actually quite excited because i picked up my glasses. then it turned sour when a co-worker of mine and i got attitudes w/ each other. then i came off of break @ 7pm and then had to take orders in drive-thru for the rest of my shift. a little bit after i started taking orders Todd & Tammi stopped by to say goodbye. they were leaving to drive back to NH.
they stopped in the parking lot by the window and yelled "goodbye, we love ya!" i heard them say that and then i had to start taking an order. idk why but i turned around after taking that order and it took all i had to stop myself from crying. it was an out-of-the-blue type of thing.
ya, i have no idea what my heart is doing...it seems like it has a mind of its own, ya know? then sunday morning at church i arrived early to type up the songs for church. little did i know that my services would actually be needed. I hadn't been there since the week before so i had no idea what to expect. i got there, typed the songs, and stayed back there for the service. @ the end of service PB(Pastor Bob) said that he couldn't end the service without making an altar call. i was in the soundbooth praying and, again, almost crying. then i walked down to the front for prayer. PB prayed for me and i stood there & prayed alone for a bit then returned back to the booth. service was about over when Lisa came back and prayed with me. She prayed some powerful stuff.
so, do you remember that feeling of forgetting or missing something?!?! ya well let's just say i think i remebered or found it! that's right ppl, Jesus. i knew i wasn't praying or spending time in the Word like i should and then on Sunday God just grabbed my heart and threw that realization in my face. now i know what i have to do and i believe that God will give me the strength to remember to do it! ;)
wow ppls, what a week! i will begin something new, again. i will post a song that i have heard and it helped me or just a song that i found to be totally awesome & real! i will post it on my playlist if it's available to do so. i hope y'all enjoy.
Song Title: I Know You're Calling
Song Artist: Jeremy Camp
Song Album: Stay
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