faster & faster

no, not literal speed. i can't run fast so its definitely not that but its the way these days/weeks are going. they're going by faster and faster. in exactly 2 weeks from yesterday, 8/15, will be my Master's Commission orientation. i am sooo excited but, contrary to the way i thought i'd feel, im starting to get nervous. yea, im excited for everything that God wants to do in and through me but im kind of uneasy. i dont know...it happens to all of us; teens that is. we grow up sooner than later and think we can handle it but when it comes to crunch time we can't.

i mean, dont get me wrong...ive experienced things in my life that have called me to be more mature than i wanted to be but now that ive come to the correct time to be grown, i dont want to. im confident that God wants me here so i must leave it all up to Him to show me what He wants me to see. i have a feel on some of the stuff that we are doing already as well as my first scheduled class. we are going white water rafting for our opening retreat on 8/31 than we're going to DC for a microsoft show the 1st week of September. towards the end of the year, we're planning on going on a missions trip to Haiti! how cool is that?! anywayz, its gonna be intense. my first class is going to be OT Hermaneutics.

as far as i go, im okay i guess. today was an okay day...i hurt my back and was still moving stuff from our upstairs apartment downstairs to our new apartment. its way better than taking stuff up but it still hurt my back. then we finished for the day around 6p and just relaxed for a bit until going to Panera w. Miranda for dinner. my back has been spasming ever since we got back from dinner and then i moved the wrong way and popped my shoulder out...ugh!

this morning i was having a "Pop" moment: a time where something clicks in my head that reminds me about Pop and i cry for a minute & then suck it up. i just miss him thats all. i know, its going to sound redundant but its so true. ive got so much going on and for the past week ive found myself sitting around wanting to call someone. i would call him and just talk for a bit about nothing and id usually get frustrated because he would ask me over and over again if i wanted something that he had or if i needed anything. but now i wish i could hear that again.

during the weekend i miss my grandmom. i would call her at least once every weekend just to see how she was feeling or how Bingo went the weekend before. we would just talk and the conversation usually didnt last past 5-10 minutes because i wouldnt know what else to say but it was nice to talk to her and hear her voice because she lived so far away. that is what i miss most about my Gram...just hearing her voice. heck...that's what i miss most about both of them...just being able to call whenever and hear their voice!

i dont know when this feeling will ever go away or even if it will but i dont ever wanna forget them. im not really sure how i will feel come orientation and my opening ceremony. my mom & sisters will be here along w. Todd & Tammi but i still just wish that my grandparents could be there or that i could send/show them pictures later. the rest of my family would be there, im sure, if they could but they have a foundation event in memory of my little cousin, Billy, who died 2 years ago.

i know the next two weeks will fly and my emotions will be on edge and i will be rushing around making sure all my things are together and im not missing/forgetting anything. but that doesn't mean that i cant stay focused. like i said earlier, God has placed me in this position for a reason and i intend on chasing that. "...for such a time as this." the Bible says and thats exactly what this is.

well...its after 12a on 8/16 in Portsmouth, NH and i should really go to bed right now because i have church in the AM and then we finish moving! im tired but im not...oh well...sleep is a good thing. good night all. updates will come as the 29th gets closer and closer.

much love
~Kali~